"A man has free choice to the extent that he is rational." St. Thomas Aquinas, 1225-1274
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Victor Frankl

I’ve been studying for this column about dopamine addiction for months. I simply have to get this info out to you. Why? Because it is the key to a palace of joy, not the ruins caused by instant gratification. In reading Dopamine Nation by Anna Lemberg, MD, I was struck dumb with what it means to be truly smart. My summation of her compassionate case examples? Our basic brains do not care a whit about how we get our "feel good" chemicals, as long as we get a quick-as-possible hit of something. The thrill is quickly downsized to blasé, then spits us out onto a spectrum from mild remorse to genuine horror at what we just ingested or how we spent our evening. All to satisfy a craving, setting up the hunger for more dopamine, available in any other form, even if it’s ultimately deadly. The more we feed this cycle, the more demanding it becomes. (Think of Audrey II in A Little Shop of Horrors.)

A bit of good news: The antidote to instant gratification is to train ourselves to deliberately DELAY action, or to create limited access. And when you manage to STOP, to zero, you quickly recover your smarts. Three days without a cigarette, drink, chocolate, or phone game gives a toehold to sanity. Just don’t think it’s possible to chip or dip a little, because it always becomes a lot. A desperate friend once asked “Isn’t there a program to learn to drink sensibly?” If only. That would make someone a billionaire.

I’m not saying to turn off your phone, because you are undoubtedly reading on it right now. I totally get Anna's cases about compulsive use of substances and behaviors: rats pushing a random button for sugar or cocaine equal the magic of inconsistency at the slots. And painful things, sick relationships, smoking, or self-injury produce floods of brain feel-goodness… for a few. I have several tee shirts to prove I was there. No, it was the experiments of spy cams on hamster wheels in the woods that rang a new bell: tortoises get on the damn things! They get high going round, when surely they have to go somewhere to eat or mate? And that's when the topic got personal. When I multitask, living the ADD life, I produce floods of dopamine. And my on-fire brain isn't capable of assessing if I’m using my time in order of priority, or engaging in exhaustive busy-holism. We lose awareness of genuine fatigue or hunger (or being full) when we are binge-watching or making art or music or love. Sometimes it’s absolutely worth it. That’s the fun of it, unless hangovers or self-loathing prevent us from doing the lovely things we had hoped to accomplish.

These rabbit trails of physical and behavioral addictions, even hitting the snooze alarm instead of getting up when we really truly want to, only appease temporary discomfort. Our impulses tell us it will feel better to roll over, light up, or turn on, even though we fucking know it won’t. Ten minutes later we regret, promising ourselves it won’t happen again. The big question is why can’t we try one (bite, hit, game) and then awaken and scream: GO BACK! YOU ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY!

James Clear in Atomic Habits adds a newly discovered insight: super dopamine is released when we anticipate pleasure, and then it compels us to act. Gambling addicts spike before they place a bet, not after winning. And then do it again, win or lose. Our two brains are at war, and the wise brain loses ground the moment we give into the craving. Genuine, sustained pleasure comes when there is no more crazy-longing for alcohol, sugar, screen time, porn, drugs, and abusive situations, all of which not only dim the length of our lives, but destroy our happiness. Ironically, ancient survival made us efficient at instant gratification in terms of food, sex, acquiring things. Woefully, the modern brain lags in consideration of long-term consequences. A brilliant friend heard this, and said “Oh! My basic brain craves a quick fix, not long-term results.” Perfectly stated.

The primary takeaway? We make ourselves stupid with a dopamine surplus rather than being genuinely satiated. Instant gratification is never enough, because the thing we crave isn’t solid: it’s a fleeting chemical. Imagined food, three red balloons popped, or fantasy sex keeps us in the loop of “can’t help it!” A core concept in addiction is that it is a disease of MORE, even when we know it will hurt, break loved ones’ hearts, or kill us. The implication here is that we are all now vulnerable to prefrontal cortex atrophy as craving has become the dominant driver of our lives.

And then it gets oh so bad and sad. In addition to misery and shame, the next problem comes with dopamine withdrawal. This happens with overdoing anything, even positive behaviors such as exercise, work, dieting. The brain's natural ability to produce feel good chemicals becomes wretchedly restricted to our most frequent “go-to,” as if saying "Why bother with the effort of hiking, writing to a friend, or practicing guitar when you can get a 100 to 1000% slug of dopamine by achieving a new level of phone gaming, or eating chips?” This is why we need support groups, anti-hoarding experts, and to cut up our credit cards (after we buy a phone safe, they exist). This rebuilds our capacity to naturally provide relief from compulsion.

It's exciting to cite new evidence of blood work and functional MRIs. But in truth? 5000 years ago, the Vedic Sages, and later Buddha, Jewish, Christian and Muslim spiritual contemplatives have urged us to stop. The 13th century sages knew abstinence was easier than moderation. They all understood we had to Stop. Sit. Focus on magic words. Count breaths and click through beads in order to be fulfilled. Awe is inspired by the presence of art, or music. Looking deeply into a flower is more healing than anything on a screen. Listen to the wind, as I am doing now, between paragraphs. Be poetic, strive to be grateful in all things, “loving what is” to the best of your ability. It generates your ability to choose just for this moment and offers the potential for joy.

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Dopam-ing