“The miracle is that we rise again out of suffering. The miracle is that we create ourselves anew.” Tina Davidson, Let Your Heart Be Broken (2023)

We are given so many opportunities to practice forgiveness. Why, just the other Sunday my cat did a full throttle dive onto the table, knocking a major mugful of sticky, milky coffee onto the tablecloth, the floor, my whole clean outfit. And… my journal. I had awakened rested and inspired to write, setting the scene with such Sabbath elegance I almost took a picture: fresh flowers, embroidered cloth, a candle lit for reverence, inviting Spirit to the table. I was calm and feeling pretty superior to life’s ills. Then BAM, sticky liquid, along with dismay, replaced it all. The pages were saturated, and the Oz-emerald ink, I learned, was water-based. I watched months of musings evaporate. That was the emerging revelation. The initial shock was how the illusion of sublime control can flip into chaos.

As I cleaned up the mess, I began to suffer the loss of ideas and memories piling into the recycle bin. I saw my cursive essays disappearing, along with my August memories of Canada, and sweet reflections on my husband’s choice to leave this plane on New Year’s Eve. All now fading, no longer captured. You are possibly wondering about Open Sesame, the cat who started this whole business. She was sensibly staying away from the mad dashing, curses, sopping and mopping. I told a cat-besotted friend about the event. She responded with empathetic horror, asking what I did next. “I wrote six pages about forgiveness.”

We are, few of us, great at forgiving. Ironic, since our “Christian Nation” should be all over this, but somehow, not. Anne Lamott’s quote “There are two kinds of Christians: those who are heavily into forgiveness and those who are not” rose to my mind. From another favorite author, Jan Karon, “Forgiveness means I don’t have to hurt you just because you hurt me,” was particularly useful in this situation. The fellow was speaking to his Newfoundland dog. His anger was real, his leg still bleeding from being tugged to the ground when he spouted that quote. It’s such a great release to not have to even the score.

But why forgive? “Letting Go” is NOT the easy way: we are hard-wired to rage and get even. The flash of fists and “Take that back!” saves our lives in dangerous situations. The swell of righteous adrenalin builds up the old ego, quells some of the pain, and gives us energy to act. But long term obsession with being wronged is not designed to sustain. It is the rabbit hole of emotional exhaustion. What does cost/benefit analysis of resentment show? That it is ugly and dangerous to hang onto hurts and rejection. Time spent wishing things were not as they turned out cannot bring confidence or peace of mind. Forgiveness allows us to return to the present, and then to move on.

Long long ago I made a pact with my Higher Self to let me feel ANGER but not get ANGRY. It’s good to practice on the smaller everyday hurts and bothers, to refuse to be held hostage by idiots. This invites rational voices in our brains back into the conversation. I first feel the outrage and unfairness of it all. “My JOURNAL!” Soon it’ll be time to acknowledge the lessons: the truth that all is impermanent, and factor in the lack of intention to hurt. She just wanted to get onto my lap, for Heaven’s sake.

But what about facing the hard stuff, to be willing to engage with life, knowing others can yuck our yum at the drop of a whim? Bemoaning my disappearing words, up popped another tale, of Ernest Hemingway, who was famously in unstable relationships. One lover took revenge by burning a suitcase holding an entire book draft. He undoubtedly chugged a lot of free booze with this tale of ohpoorme. The claim is that William Faulkner told him she had done him a favor. He was now free to write the second draft and do it better. No pity. Begin again. Another form of forgiveness: don’t let it diminish you.

So many lovely stories of extreme letting go come from Buddha and Jesus and Mother Theresa and Kwan Yin. Muhammed taught “Goodness is an antidote stronger than poison, love foils hatred, and aggression can be won over by forgiveness.” All examples above my pay grade. Still, I long to be able to not let rejection or insults totally undo me, to patiently reflect others’ actions back to them without rancor or superiority.

All these tales were flooding into my brain with that splash of coffee. A gift of attitude.

Thinking of all this, I salvaged a few pages with important dates, phone #s. I took a full minute to mourn the journal cover with a beloved’s watercolor of a feather (the losses kept coming), and allowed myself to feel stymied and thwarted for a while. Then I reset the table, replenished the roses, lit the candle, and found a fresh journal. Then I fed the cat.

Click here to purchase my NEW guided visualization, Finding Your Perfect Summer Cabin.

Click here to purchase my book, The Courage to Trust.

Click here to purchase the audiobook of The Courage to Trust.

Click here to purchase my 90-minute guided visualization, Embracing True Prosperity.

For-giving