Deliberating
Photo by Phyllis DaMota
DELIBERATING
01/01/2023
Seeking, rather than avoiding, one’s own thoughts and the pursuit of dreams.
Unhurried contemplation, searching for balance and freedom from pressure.
I’ve been thinking about thinking. The deep slow kind. The caution before clicking send or buy kind. The “allowing thoughts to surface” kind. I’ve always moved too fast. A neurologist told me that I couldn’t help it, my reflexes revealed my need for speed. I cried when he said this. “Are you saying I was born this way!?” I had felt a freak: always too much, too intense, too immediate. I looked at my dad and sisters and could see the gene pool. We’re fast, funny know-it-alls who run hot toward hypomania. Whatever is gained in efficiency has a dangerous edge, which I fall off too often. Howsomever, I see it now as a challengeable pre-disposition, not a condemnation. And “unhurried” is a place I want to explore because I am certain that is where we find the courage to re-create and change our lives.
Recent studies bemoan the increased pace of life. There is a steep price for lightning responses to texts, and sixty-second video and swipes being the new learning style. Add to that “too much stuff and clutter” and the cataclysmic result is we fear we are losing our minds. And we are, in terms of lack of mindfulness. In Johann Hari’s honest book, Stolen Focus, his subtitle zings: “Why you can’t pay attention, and how to think deeply again.” Divergent experts have concluded that by prizing speed over quality, we are losing the capacity to stop, look, and listen at the pace of our inner metronomes.
This is not just about electronics. Expectations accelerated in 1880 with the Industrial Revolution and then came the electric light. Mail was delivered several times a day. Cannons were shot before dawn to awaken the factory workers since the poor didn’t have clocks. The result? We choose convenience over climate, entertainment over creativity, efficiency over gracefulness, and the quick tweet over the love of truth. The too high price? Chaos and falsehoods rule the Big World. I admit powerlessness over that. What I claim as my territory is the personal realm, where I can change the rhythm of how I think and behave.
Ask yourself: when was the last time you felt totally free of the pressure to “check”? A creative friend recently reflected that the only time I’m not rushing is when I am beading (or writing, which she can’t witness, but I’m sure she’d agree). Just sitting, or sadly, even walking without a phone to count steps or listen to podcasts, feels wasteful. Reminds me of the idea of cleaning my plate (or the bottom of the chip bag) so as not to be wasteful, but ends up being WAIST-FULL.
Consider the steps needed to slow down and listen to one’s own thoughts:
· Activate “do not disturb”
· Turn off all sounds and alerts
· Kill solitary games from devices
· Refuse compulsive behaviors and substances
· Sit with pen and paper to hear thoughts and invite desires to appear
· Go for a walk without a device
· Practice your own best way to connect to the One and Wonderful Awe
Folks, this is not a minor issue. Scientists and care providers are screaming at us to pay more attention to our inner Selves. The incidence of depression, anxiety, and ennui are skyrocketing. And the surge of psych meds is terrifying to me, professionally. Especially those that speed us up in order to keep pace with ultimately inconsequential demands. A constant barrage of information and images (mostly absoeffinguseless) is creating a false dependency on unknown and possibly malevolent people who tell us what to believe and to buy, and when to do it. Like NOW!
This all leads to confusion and anxiety, and so we grab something to keep us busy, blanking (not blissing) out on TV, food, and drugs. “I know what to do, but I can’t make myself do it.” We miscommunicate more than we get it right. (If you’ve ever fought via text, you know what I mean.) Where am I going with this? An attempt to answer follows:
Addiction to instant gratification is atrophying YOUR prefrontal cortex (thanks, Dopamine Nation). I think about this as I delete my cribbage game, or GULP, break my Wordle streak as an act of liberation. “Glued to the TV” was a phrase that didn’t exist when I was born, but at age five my life as a vidiot began with live TV and cartoons. Remember when the signal went OFF AIR at midnight, leaving only static? (If you’re old enough, I bet you’re humming the Air Force song.) Then I would then sneak read, using my bathrobe to block light at the bottom of the door. Constant input with too little output makes us fat, lazy, anxious and stuck in unwanted lives.
It takes a whole-hearted effort to stop and think. We are hardwired to grab the “low-hanging fruit” of reaction rather than considering options and consequences. Deliberation can save us. The studies are undeniable about multitasking. Maybe you believe it is more efficient to complete one thing before attacking the next? Maybe not. Anyway, the brain is marvelously flexible, but it cannot hold equal importance for multiple thoughts. This is why writing in a journal, where we can make and prioritize a meaningful list of toodoos organizes the mind, and eases stress chemicals. AND NOT JUST ON YOUR PHONE. Sorry, but the myth that it can do our thinking and remembering for us has birthed AI and ChatBOT. Hear me! Mechanical and technical excellence in a new app will not save you (neither will romantic love, but that’s for another time).
Watching STUTZ (Netflix), I was delighted to hear a wiseguy shrink insist that writing down one’s thoughts is the only way to know ourselves. Neurologist Oliver Sacks’ version? “My journals are not written for others… they are a special, indispensable form of talking to myself.” When we allow ourselves to ink what we think, there are delightful (and horrifying) surprises in how much is going on that we otherwise repress. Important and thrilling ideas, emotions, and perspectives bubble up. This returns us to balance, the Libra element in deliberating.
Evidence of “too fast” is also in the extraordinary amount of time and energy we spend trying to reclaim order. Why do we lose things (like the phone and car in a parking lot)? To embed an object’s location into long-term memory, we need to notice it for a loooong 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8 seconds. What are we afraid will catch us if we slow down? For me, the hurry is tied to performing for the benefit of others, and praise for getting so much done. I struggle mightily with the concept of rest (see undoing). Glad to report I’m making progress. Now, I am stalking unhurried thinking, admittedly through a telescope. It will evince as deliberating: making big choices based on my inner voice rather than reacting to outer demands. Watch this space.
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